My dog is a cloud

Often in ICT, the realities of a technology become obscured by a fog of hype. Joseph Sweeney, analyst at IBRS, believes that cloud computing has suffered this fate. In this humorous and insightful piece, Sweeney renders his verdict on some of the more common assumptions about the technology.

My dog is cloud computing and I think you should invest in him.

For a start, he’s a total mongrel and everyone has a different opinion about what he actually is. No one will ever be able to clearly define him because they all look at him and see what they want. In that respect he’s exactly like cloud computing. Some people see him as infrastructure, others as a platform for applications and others see something between. One thing is certain though, no matter what you think my dog is, he’s fuzzy.

Another thing that proves my dog is a cloud is that we got him for nothing. What a wonderful deal! There were no restrictive up- front costs. However, since then, he’s been surprisingly expensive. Compared to my previously procured pedigree ‘in-house’ dog, he consumes a lot more resources. Sure we expected to have to keep him running with lots of tasty food, but we didn’t expect the hidden costs: shoes, towels from the neighbour’s line, rebuilding and strengthening our fences and so on. All in all, he’s probably cost me about the same, if not more than my in-house dog ... but trying to calculate his TCO has proven impossible. And I suspect it’s getting worse as he grows! Yup, just like cloud computing all right.

My dog is a cloud because he may have improved my home security. Of course I’m making the assumption that he never sleeps and no burglar is going to get past his big pointy teeth, but all my friends tell me people with dogs don’t get robbed, so it must be true. Since getting him, the house has been secure. However, when I get home and he’s there with that proud grin on his face, I’m not sure if it’s because he’s chased away a bad guy, or because he’s got indigestion. I’ve taken to searching the back fence for blood trails and torn pants, but so far I haven’t found an audit trail.

Just like cloud computing, my dog is happy to be used by everyone. He will accept belly rubs from strangers, play fetch for whoever throws a ball, and do tricks for people who know the right magic words (sit, roll over, shake, authenticate with password). He does these basic things really well, although some of the more complex tricks leave him running around in circles, chasing his tail. Naturally, all his performances are greatly enhanced if you pay him in snacks. Yes, just like a cloud he’ll do anything for anyone ... for a small fee.

Last, but not least, my dog is a cloud because of the amount of attention he gets. Wherever we go, he jumps around and barks as if to say, “Look at me! Look at me!” He’s very good at self promotion. He even won ‘cutest dog’ on a social networking site when my daughter (who knows nothing about dogs) posted a picture of him. Yes, everyone loves my dog (except my neighbour) and tells me that they wish they had a dog just like him (even though they live in a flat). I just smirk and say, “Oh yes, he’s fantastic. I predict that by 2015, 95% of pets will be my dog (0.8 probability).” And of course all the pet shops tell you how life-changing their new private-cloud dogs are.

So, there you have it. My dog is cloud computing. But don’t get me wrong ... I’m certainly not saying cloud computing is a dog.

Joseph Sweeney is an advisor at analyst firm Intelligent Business Research Services (IBRS). He specialises in cloud computing, unified communications, collaboration, mobility and Microsoft products. Joe has 30 years of experience in IT development, planning and strategy. Find more of Sweeney's insight at the IBRS website.